In Carlos’ Shoes: My Tribute.

Similar to Carlos my sophomore year I injured myself. Actually I injured my knee and we all know how dancers are if one thing goes wrong.  It’s like the whole world is falling down. This feeling only occurs because we love what we do so much. Actually we all experience pain in every art form, being an artist you automatically sacrifice something of yourself in order to be here.  While being here you will be on an emotional roller coaster. For example: like being depressed or sad while injured is common, and literally goes hand and hand that it cannot be separated. Being and college while this happened gave me an outlet to go to parties. When I was injured and I drank more than usual, I went out more often, and this to me was a way I relieved my stress.

This is how artist school students are when they first come to college

This is how they are the second year when you feel too cool for actual school and the freshman.

This is how dancers are when they are injured.

This is how we are watching dance classes

This is how we cope with our problems. 

And this is how we are drunk

Most of times I find myself being like the guy in the background of these pictures at parties

Being Carlos this weekend I attended two parties this weekend. One was in center stage and the other was 1910 the ugly Christmas sweater party.

This is how I got ready.

Center stage                                                                    

 Step ONE!!!! Apply a lot of make on your face when I say a lot go for it. The goal is to not look like yourself and look like your favorite Disney channel star.

I got dressed in a really cute outfit                                                 

 I wore a black crop top with clack high wasted 

pants with heels.

This was the one party where I did not drink

and stayed sober so That’s why I decided to

wear heels.

We went to the party in center stage and had a good time. Overall I did not have to drink to have a good time. I enjoyed myself because of the company that kept me but I AM NOT BASHING DRINKS!!!

 Here goes nineteen ten……

 The first thing I did was get FUCKED UP!!!!!!

WE pre-gamed before anything so when I got dressed and did my makeup I must say it was not my best at all actually its really funny cause while I was getting dressed all I could remember was telling my brother Andrew that the Christ max sweater idea is a hot mess. To be honest I was told I said “Everyone was gonna to look like little minions and I was going to be a star"……….LOL.

The things drunken people say…

Here are the selfless I took of myself while getting dressed/pre-gaming/ talking shit.

These are all the stages of diva I hit that night as you can tell by the crazy filtered picture that I was feeling myself and though that at one point I was Zoe Saldana. 

We walked to the party and the on our way there just being ten times more alive we sang our favorite songs there and laughed and glorified the end of our semester. While I got there I just thought about how much of a  great time I was having and me and my friend Kevin decided if you can't be happy you can at least be drunk. Many people don't realize this but alcohol is one of the top things college kids over use is college. Why do you guys think we think? Or why do all of us drink? Does it satisfy you does it give you happiness or does it make you forget about all the things that suck compared to the awesome time you may be having. For me and other dancers we acknowledged we drink more and gain weight under more stress as we walked into the party my favorite song was playing.

This was Body party by Ciara. The music they had there that night was so good, want to know why because the dancers were djing.

They played songs like

Chris brown Love more

Miley Cyrus 23

Miley Cyrus we can't stop
Savage Red nose

Savage Gas Pedel

and many more song that anyone could  twerk to, speaking of twerking when my song Red Nose came on i started doing the dance and some girl came up to me and asked could we play better music…………..I LOOKED AT HER CRAZY for that was the  best song to me at the moment. I purely ignored the little girl and didn't reply. God must have not liked me that night because twenty minutes later I popped my knee out of the socket. I wasn't shocked but I was sadder. It was like I automatically lost my buzz. I sat down with my friend Lloyd and realized that trying to stand up and dance wasn't an option that at that time while being slightly drunk I had to acknowledge that I was injured. That I felt paralyzed and was annoyed by people asking me if i was ok… I mean I felt like they thought I was crippled. It was that moment I had to deal with my chronic injury, after thinking that I would be able to avoid it or escape my problems by drinking. I learned a lot Saturday night it was one of the best night of my life and the worst at the same time. The message that you can’t run away from your problems, because they will chase you is true. So I want to tell Carlos that I understand how you feel and how being injured can weigh you down but I’m happy you are addressing now and not running away from it. Cause you don't want to have a chronic injury or feel paralyzed for life.

Coming To an End

It has been awhile since I originally decided to leave school, go back home to be with family and finish my schooling there. So much has happen from then to now. One of the major incidents that I encountered was breaking my foot. This definitely put me in a stump and made me over look the decisions I have made for my future. Then it hit me, I AM BEING FUCKEN STUPID! If money was one of the reasons why I am leaving UNCSA then I should stay. There’s no other school is Southern California that is cheaper than this school and no other school would let me enter as a senior. So over all I would be spending more money because I would have to repeat one or more years if I transferred to another school. Yea that’s not going to happen! So I decided I might as well return for my senior year and finish my schooling at UNCSA, the way I originally intended when I arrived as a freshman.

My parents want me to ship my entire belongings home but I don’t want to. I did my research and it would be a lot cheaper if I paid for storage and kept all my stuff there till next fall because during the summer I always split the cost with two other friends anyways. However my parents said “that the future can’t be determined, what will l do if I end up not being able to come back?” Personally I usually think just like them, very realistic with everything, but not this time, especially during my circumstances. I am telling myself that I will be back 110% healthy and ready to dance again, and by leaving my belongings in storage will give me the motivation I need to recover and come back. I believe if I send my entire stuff home, first of all I know I am going to get very comfortable home and not want to come back, therefore that’s why I have to leave my stuff here. That’s another reason for me to come back and finish. My parents aren't happy with my decision but oh well, they have to trust in me and that have faith in my life choices.

Starting Thanksgiving break I will be packing up my room. It’s going to be hard but this is what I need to do, not only for my injuries but for my mind as well. Everyone needs a little break in their life at some point or another. 

Tuesday 11/19/13

It’s been one month and one day.

Second doctor’s appointment.

Results?

No surgery!!

And.

Two more weeks of crutches.

Then weight with boot on. 

Injuries Part 2:

In my last post I talked about how my first two injuries changed the way I looked at dance. This week I will be talking about the first encounter I faced during the beginning of my new injury.

I broke and sprained my right foot on October 21, 2013. The cafeteria was having an 80’s them with music and decorations and of course as a dancer I started to dance, even though the doctors told me I was not allowed to. Then there I go being a fool and I go for a giant leap and I then land horribly wrong. I immediately knew what was wrong. I had broken the same bone on my left foot when I was younger and it felt like the same pain as before. I walked out of the cafeteria as calmly as I could so no one would know that I got injured. I live in building A of the dorms, which is not far from the commons at all and when I got to my room my foot had already swollen with a huge bump on the side.

Two Hours Later!

                               

I have to say I am quite proud of myself for not crying at all this time. I know that it is my fault and I took full responsibility. Accepting my mistakes was the easy part, accepting the fact that I won’t always be able to do things on my own and sometimes I have to ask for help was the hard part. I have never been the kind of person to ask for help if I know I can do it or if I know I can figure it out. I feel as if I am bothering people and I just don’t like to feel helpless. But I realized that being able to ask for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength. Even though I've gotten better about asking for help, I still tend to try to do things on my own. It’s only natural of me.

Here's some more photos from my recovery process :)

 

                                                         

         
















         

Injuries:

People always say having injuries changes the way you view life and it is so true. However this didn’t really affect me the first two times I sprained my left ankle. I actually approached the situation horribly wrong. I allowed my depression take over my life. I started eating more and I got really lazy, which didn’t help with the Holidays coming up. Still to this day I am trying to shed off those couple of extra pounds I put on during my recovery process.

I would be lying if I said that nothing changed on how I viewed things because a little did in relation to dance. The times I would go to class I was able to really listen to my instructors and really get a clear understanding on their study of dance. It was such an amazing experience being able to sit, watch and listen. It is something that majority of dancers never get to do and I believe it is too great of an experience not to give it a chance, except of course not the getting injured part.

Anyways getting this opportunity to observe in class really helped me when I started to take class again. It wasn't easy; it took me about 3-4 weeks until I was able to do big jumps again. I had to work small and work my way back up. But while doing so I was able to apply what I learned by observing to my training. I was working in a new way. I was more aware of my body and my alignment. I found it very crazy to think that in order for myself to experience this, I needed to get injured. And I really do think there’s a difference in my dancing this year and in my studies of dance. Not only because I felt it, which can be misleading because you don’t always look the way you feel, but also because I received complements on my dancing and growth by fellow classmates. 

54 Days, 6 Hours, 53 Minutes, 31 Seconds:

A little background on my life and my family; both my parents are from Mexico, both came from families of 11 or more, grew up and worked on the farm. My parents are very old school and traditional, so you can just imagine how difficult it was for my oldest sibling. I am the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister is 38. Yea I know my parents are quit old. They never understood why someone would go to school in another state or go across the country and until myself all my siblings commuted to school.

It was a really hard transition leaving home for college, not only for myself but for majority of my family if not all. And to top it all off, my mom had the hardest time adjusting to it since I am the baby of the family.

I would have to say this is the worst year so far, when it comes to being homesick. I believe the reason is because I don’t have my family with me while I am dealing with all of my injuries (double sprain on my left ankle, exterior and interior bone spur in my left ankle, and fractured my fifth metatarsal with a sprain on my right foot).

 I cannot wait till the day I go back home. I even downloaded an application called T-Zero that can count down the months, days, minutes, and even seconds till the day I leave. I miss my family very much. I plan to do a lot of touristy stuff while I am home deciding what to do for the next school year, such as visiting China Town in LA, going to Beverly Hills and taking that tour of Universal Studios and many more. I want to start taking advantage of all that California offers. I want to take my mom with me as much as she is able to do. There is a lot I haven’t done but there is way more that she will never get the chance to do, so I want to give her all I can. That’s what I am looking forward to being home. And of course just being with my family and best friends. 

California vs. North Carolina Clubs:

There are defiantly better clubs in Southern California than North Carolina but of course we still have those shitty clubs. I have found some clubs in NC that I have liked but they do not compare to CA. In CA the clubs are designed better and they are always really packed and loud. Plus we have the number one gay club in LA and it’s amazing.

The designed isn't the only thing that sets LA aside to NC, it’s also the music and the themes they have. For example some nights they have drag shows, drag competitions, Britney, Katy or Beyonce night. When they have these nights they tend to play the artist new album and/or all their big hits throughout the night. This is really fun because majority of the people there are big fans of these artist so everyone is having a good time which is very noticeable. Also what I like about the clubs in LA is that the dance floor is usually shoulder to shoulder and everyone is dancing!!! Unlike some of the clubs in NC where I have room to do a whole dance routine if I wouldn't too. But I am not saying that is a bad thing because I do like that sometimes but if I have looking to party my ass off, I would prefer to go to LA.

The thing about NC clubs that I don’t like is that not everyone there looks like they are having a good time. I still haven’t been to some of the really good clubs in NC so I am only speaking from my experiences so far. Also just as I had mentioned in my last post I don’t like how the clubs here in NC are very unpredictable. You never know is this weekend is going to have a lot of people and they are going to play good music.

Nevertheless I have yet had any experiences at the bars and clubs in CA while being 21. So I have no insight on the prices of drinks and comparison on the bars from CA and NC.